I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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