did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
