OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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