I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
