So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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