Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
