Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
