brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
