bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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