Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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