Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize