I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
