Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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