I cannot find my penis.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
