I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
