Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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