Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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