should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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