We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
