Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
