the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
