So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
