Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize