I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
