to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
