i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
