I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
