I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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