MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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