You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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