mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
