It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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