hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
