Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize