id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
