he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
