i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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