i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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