like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
