Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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