your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize