I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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