I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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