he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
