if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize