its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
