I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
