got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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