if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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