It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
