Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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