k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
two words...techno handjob
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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