Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
