Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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