I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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