I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
