he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
