well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
