Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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