i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
