you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
