I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
