he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
