"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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