that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
