dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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