Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
