It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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