The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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