If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
