You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
