I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
