winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize