i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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