Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
