Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
